Chaz Stevens, Genius and Public Speaker.

Dec 31, 2009 by

For those just tuning in, there’s a bit of urban Chaz Stevens lore around Deerfield Beach that I am never seen out in public.  This past August, I had myself put on the agenda to speak before the Commission.  Instead of showing up, I sent my Ninja.

Ninja Jimi – Official bodyguard, ninja, and spokesperson for Acts of Sedition speaks out at the local Kabuki Theater – aka the City of Deerfield Beach June 16, 2009 Commission Meeting.

Originally slated for just 3 minutes, the elected dofus’s (or is that dofii?) spend 10 minutes deciding not to show my video.

It was perfect Kabuki Theater.  Watch the video.  It is hilarious!!!  Must see TV!!!  I forgot how funny it was…

And here’s what they didn’t want to show!!!

There’s a couple of reasons why I don’t show up.  The first and foremost is that I am often out of town.  The other is concerns for my physical well being.  Try writing a blog like I do and see if you don’t end up with some… Shall I say very loyal fans.  Isn’t that right gals from See You Next Tuesday?

Below is an email from Commissioner Joe Miller asking me to attend,

Chaz, 

Sorry I missed you when I returned your call yesterday, I have an idea for you, in the year of our LORD 2010AD,YOU start addressing our commission meetings in person, I believe you are on our agenda for our first meeting in January, I am convinced that you can do a better job making or airing your concerns about our Fair City than your Ninja Buddy does. Bring him with you, if that would make you feel safe. I am completely serious about this! Please come to the meeting in person, I think all the other bloggers will be there – They usually are. Now that you are not only the Biggest Blogger in town but also about to be Published, I would not be surprised if people don’t line up to get your John Hancock

Happy New Year. 

Your Humble Public Servant Joe

And to this I replied, 

Mr. Miller;

I would say that is actually going to be 2010CE.  CE is the new nomenclature.  Stands for Common Era.

As far as sending my Ninja in my stead, I offer the following to you in complete candor and seriousness.   I am not joking here. 

If you recall the Night of the Ninja, when Ninja Jimmy announced he was going to speak on my behalf and I was a no-show, two rather large African-American gentleman sitting in the back of the audience stood to leave.  Your colleague Commissioner Sylvia Poitier indicated to them “sit down, you’ll want to hear this”.  If you don’t believe me, I have the video to prove the veracity of my claims.

Quite obviously, those gentlemen were there to “see me”.  Why?  What business do I have with them?

It is my opinion that Poitier and her Goon Squad wanted to make me aware of their, I will go with… “thoughts”.  I am certain that nothing good would have come from my meeting with them.  In fact,  Ninja Jim, a 7th degree blackbelt, has concerns for his own physical safety.

Having a concealed weapon’s permit and usually always walking around with one weapon on my person and being an expert shot, I take my precautions.  But, really, is that the way I want to go about life?  Worrying about shadows?

Don’t think this couldn’t happen in our town?  Why not?  As you know, I have hammered away at the Poitiers.  Ruthlessly and without abandon.  Do you really think they want to stand idly by as a blogger tees off on them?

Lots of people say I am chicken and too afraid to make myself seen in public.  Easy for them to say.  There weren’t large mountains of men looking for a hug.  Afraid no…  Situationally aware?  Yep…

I am a writer and not a public speaker.  However, I will say this.  If the winds of change have their way, I will be heard in public.  Only on the radio.  In 2010.

All this said, I will be there on Tuesday.  We’ll all get to talk about the Corrupt Activities of Commissioner Poitier.  I’ll bring a hot blonde.  Poitier can bring some beefcake.

Finally, to your point about Deerfield’s other bloggers.  They are, as you have probably surmised by now, clearly ineffective at what they do.  To me they’re a non-starter.

As far as me being the biggest blogger, I am on tap to break 5,000 visitors a day.  Each and everyday.  And the volume and attention will only increase.  My sights for my site are far greater than our humble little shire. 

It would be my pleasure to give you a signed copy of my upcoming book.  One of the first out of the gate.  We’ll just need to make sure to get Jeff Sayles’ okay on the gift.  You know.  He worries about the small stuff…  In fact, he’s an expert at it.

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