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High Treason (updated)

If you help MAOS, then you’re a traitorous rat bastard – Eric Haynes.

Updated | So let me ask you… When was the last time that you heard someone be accused of the crime of treason?

Ha! Wait. Let me go you one better…

So when was the last time you heard a local city government accuse someone(s) of treason?

I never figured the term “High Treason” actually meant being high.

- Jeff Spicoli

First of all, as many of you (like MAOS) probably don’t run into the charge of “treason” in everyday conversation, let’s begin this discussion with a few definitions:

  1. Asstard (n, v, adj, adv). See Haynes, Eric. Political hack.
  2. Treason (n). The crime of betraying one’s country, esp. by attempting to kill the sovereign or overthrow the government.

At a recent (2/24/2012) City of Lauderdale Lakes Commission meeting, Vice Deputy Mayor Eric Haynes, who is apparently a Constitutional Rhodes Scholar from his twenty … er … ten … er … two years of military service …

Wait, does performing as the Navy Dude in a Village People Summer Stock Revival band count as military service?

pretty much informed all of us of the following:

If you help out MAOS, then you are committing treason.

No really, I shit you not. He said “treason”. We have the audio. Care to give a listen?

As our own knowledge of TreasonLaw (NSFW) is non-existent, we reached out to our legal team for some quality opining.

MAOS: Hey, can we be hoisted from the yard arm for treason?

The Legal Team: Huh? Treason? Did you declare war on the US? Are you working with The Grand Caymans to take over the Pompano Beach?

MAOS: I heart the Caymans.

With Haynes now worried about an uprising of the MAOS Army, we asked the folks over in R&D to come up with a Early Warning System to alert those on the Lauderdale Lakes dais when some pesky traitors are on the rise.

One final point before we take our leave.

We here at MAOS are used to this sort of nonsense — threats of legal action, blanket statements discrediting our work, and all sorts of bloviating coming from the dais.

That, my friends, is the after-effect of The New Media.

Read: WTF is “The New Media”.

In years past, elected officials only had to deal with agent provocateurs and their three minutes of podium time and perhaps the occasional published letter in the weekly fishwrapper.

But now?

Now there is our way of doing business.

Business … say like…

Mastery of the InterWebs, a through understanding of how social media works, and the ability to self-publish to a very wide audience… That’s The New Media.

Research. Document. Communicate. Aka breaking some balls.

And those in charge don’t like it. Not one bit. Sylvia Poitier hated it. Hell, she wanted to make MAOS an Agenda Item.

Too bad Eric. Get used to it. It’s only going to get worse(r).

And in closing, we’ll leave you with this YouTubes as a tribute to Vice Deputy Mayor Eric Haynes’ illustrative twenty … er … ten … er … two year long military career.

Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
Deerfield's Western CRA. http://t.co/oSakFpZkgq - 13 hours ago
Chaz Stevens
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Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.

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