LAUDERDALE LAKES --

To: Mayor Kristin Jacobs
Broward County Commission

via email

Madam Mayor;

The next time you are on the dais facing Dale UnWholelyNess, discussing matters involving Lauderdale Lakes, perhaps you’ll remember the story I am about to tell.

Our highly placed sources deep inside that city have told us City Manager jonathan (size youth medium condoms) allen routinely involved himself in code enforcement matters — including liens — on property owned by (er… real estate mogul) then-Lauderhill Commissioner UnWholelyNess.

My people inside Lauderdale Lakes found this odd, as Allen was not in charge of this area, and in fact, bypassed several other individuals to involve himself.

We’ve been told Allen demanded those liens to be out rightly eliminated entirely or, at the very least, greatly reduced. The reason given by Allen for this request was, and I quote, “since it involved Dale H, he [Allen] needed to take care of Dale H. since he was an elected official, elected officials deserved special treatment, he would be the next County Commissioner from the district, and his support would be helpful later.”

Quid meet pro quo.

I’ve learned when this individual refused to cooperate, s/he received a call from Commissioner eric haynes noob reminding them of their vulnerability with the City. Obviously, that’s an outright violation of the City Charter — all contact of employees must be through the City Manager and not a Commission member.

Next thing s/he knew, the lien was tossed and information in the file was removed.

Madam Mayor, these people are bad. Really bad. I’m hoping you’re starting to see that.

I know bad. I also know how to get rid of bad. Just ask Sylvia Poitier.