March 1, 2013 12:35 pm
DEERFIELD BEACH --
Jean Robb, born 1874 in the 6th ring of Dante’s Inferno, bought the farm on May 4, 2012, after having lived probably three to four times as long as she deserved.
She will be met in the afterlife by Emperor Palpatine and Marilyn Chambers. At the time of this writing, we were unable to find anyone willing to admit on the record as to being her next-of-kin, so therefore no survivors making claim to her vast estate — which includes a 1994 Toyota Corolla and a sizable collection of (well used) voodoo dolls.
Jean had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or did a good deed in her life. I speak for the majority when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing… There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the town she spent a lifetime gutting.
Her head and black heart will be donated to science for research, with the remainder to be cremated and the ashes scattered Big Lebowski style.
God Speed Jean and good riddance.•••
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