Only from the minds of Allen and Elianor.

Chaz StevensPolitics

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As Bill Hicks once so eloquently opined, “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.”

To wit.

This coming Tuesday, Lauderdale Lakes elected officials will be gathering to vote on the passage of Ordinance #2012-14 which authorizes, “the refinancing and borrowing of certain monies from Suntrust Bank in an amount not to exceed $2,545,521.”

Upon closer examination of #2012-14, we see the following issues:

[cleeng_content id="226626531" description="Read the entire story -- about misuse of funds, monetary hanky-panky, and cluster-f***s." price="0.49"]Issue #1: Trust us, this is a good deal.

Holy shades of that lease/buyback fiasco!

The supporting documentation for #2012-14 indicates, “Refinancing in October 2012 is more beneficial than October 2013”. However:

  1. There’s no supporting evidence indicating how and/or why this is true.
  2. Speaking of not being true, it can’t be true, since there’s an assessed pre-payment penalty.
  3. As to that pre-payment penalty, there’s no mention of it in #2012-14. So, if a bear shits a prepayment penalty in the woods and no one is there to see it, does the dookey prepayment penalty even exist?

Issue #2: It’s the same interest rate, so this is a good deal.

It’s 4.19% now, and 4.19% in the future — so exactly how does that help?

We did note wording about a reduction in the interest rate if “a balanced budget [is achieved] at the end of the year.” If? Aren’t balanced budgets mandated by law?

Just kidding!

As you know, for the last couple of years, :JA:’s not be able to put together a balanced budget. Oh, he excels at Cluster F***s, but a balanced budget? And lest you not forget those pesky multi-million dollar deficit fund balances.

I guess this means we’re gonna have to take Allen at his word. Now apparently on the budgetary “honor system”, we suppose Suntrust’s numbers will be “more truthful” than those turds foisted upon Broward County.

Can you really look in that f***er’s squirrely visage and say to yourself, “Now here’s a rat bastard I have complete faith in.”

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Speaking of the interest rate reduction… Will it be retroactive? With the delays in producing :HCT:’s audits, what happens then?

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Issue #3: We’ve got Stormwater Funds, so this is a good deal.

Since 2004, the city has used the same Stormwater payment formula – aka it pays 62% of the debt.

Question: Has anyone verified the status of the Stormwater projects in the original debt issue? Were any actually completed?

Answer: Pass me the bong.

But yet, Stormwater, and its 160% fee hike, has always paid for projects with the special assessments.

We still rooting around, but we believe the Suntrust money was put into the old Capital Improvement Fund, which in turn funded other projects.

It’s quite obvious the Stormwater Fund has been intentionally and continually ripped off. More so under Allen than Anita Fain-Taylor.

Note from R&D:

We’re still trying to work out how to pin this on Old Man Tibbs.

For years, residents have complained about the city’s canals and drainage; problems which are supposed to be addressed in Manny Diez’s ADA Engineering Master Plan.

How’s that working out for ya?

***

We believe Lauderdale Lakes, cash poor come this October, will be unable to pay the General Fund and Fire Fund portions of the Suntrust debt.

It’s worth mentioning this refinancing was not included in the 2013 budget.

By deferring the payment, Allen will find some extra time in the seat cushions – even though the refinancing will cost the taxpayer — due to the prepayment penalty. No worries, as Stormwater always pays no matter what (and besides which, did you check out the huge reserve of cash just sitting there waiting to be pillaged)?

Last, but not least, we’re also incredibly troubled by Allen’s budget covenant and appropriation of the Fire Fund special assessment.  Is that even allowed?

In summation.

Ordinance #2012-14, which refinances the Suntrust note, is an awesome deal because (a) the interest rate remains the same, (b) we’re going to save an imaginary amount of money, and (c) we get zapped with a prepayment penalty.

It’s shit like this that get’s :ME:’s stamp of approval.

L Lakes Ordinance 2012-14 8 21 12

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Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
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Chaz Stevens
Chaz Stevens

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