Sylvia Poiter’s now in charge of your election ballot.

Chaz StevensPolitics

PoitierVote

Deerfield’s election cycle happens in March and in about 45 days, the Mayoral and a Commission seat are up for grabs.

In the Mayor’s race, we have Peggy Noland (currently in office) running against former mayor Jean Robb Eugene Asstardo (held us all collectively hostage in the late 80’s and has lost in ever election cycle since). The longest, of long shots, Asstardo’s taken the novel approach of putting drop boxes (for early/absentee ballots) at four locations:

  1. Cove Bagel (biz run by her campaign buddy – Steve “Ed” Hardley)
  2. Poitier’s dry cleaning
  3. Century Village workout area (near the dance studio — home of jazzercise for the walking dead)
  4. Shelby’s Kitchen (out west, biz owned by great friend of Robb)

This issue was brought to the city’s attention by County Supervisor of Election Dr. Brenda Snipes. Snipes, while opining Robb’s move was legal, was strongly against such — chain of custody issues, voter disenfranchisement, security of the box, etc. I imagine Snipes saying something along the following, “F*** my cat. Are you nuts?”

We have the following questions:

  1. Exactly what is a drop box? Is there a lock? Some form of cypher/encrypto device? Does yarn constitute enhanced security measures?
  2. Does an empty Nike shoe box, or for that matter, Asstardo’s rotten crotch, qualify as a valid container to hold democracy?  For your health and safety, we kindly suggest not visualizing images of “democracy leaking out of Asstardo and dribbling down her overcooked-turkey-skin chicken bone leg.”
  3. Imagine if I walked into Poitier’s dry cleaning wearing my “re-elect Noland” t-shirt. Do you really think my dropped off ballet would make it to the light of day? Given Poitier’s history of dumping cancer-causing PERC into the groundwater, I’d hold my nose as I entered.  Same thing goes with the Cove Bagel (that place smells like monkey balls).
  4. Poitier, and her idiot daughter (Felecia Fellatio), helped steal taxpayer and Mango dollars.  They incubated the Haitian American Consortium (which stole HUD money). They’ve not paid property taxes in nearly a decade. They owe the State $60,000 in PERC related toxic waste cleanup fines. Poitier was found guilty of four corruption charges. Now, she’s overseeing our election?  They’re now in charge of freedom? That’s seriously f***ed up. Deerfield puts the banana in the banana republic.
  5. What happens at night? Where do those boxes go? Is someone breaking out their Bill Nye Science Guy electron microscope and shredding the votes not in Robb’s favor?
  6. Are the ballets sealed? What happens when they aren’t? I can imagine John Grassi feverishly filling in the blanks (with a crayon, of course).

The reasoning for all this is simple really.

Robb, with no chance of winning, has now turned to stealing the election.

With Poitier’s help, of course.

***

January 25, 2013

Mrs. Jean M. Robb
CANDIDATE FOR MAYOR
380 SE 2ND Avenue, H-2
Deerfield Beach, FL 33441

RE: Drop Boxes for Absentee Ballots

Dear Mrs. Robb:

I have followed up with Dr. Brenda C. Snipes, Broward County Supervisor of Elections, who has conferred with the Florida Division of Elections. While there is no specific statute prohibiting drop boxes for absentee ballots, we recommend against the practice.

If you have any questions, please contact the City Clerk’s office at (954) 480-4213.

Sincerely
You People

AGJ/qt
Enclosure(s)

c: BurgessoHanson, City Manager
Andrew Maurodis, City Attorney
Dr. Brenda G. Snipes; Broward County Supervisor of Elections

Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
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