MAOS Announces More 2013 Deerfield Beach Election Ballot Locations!

Chaz StevensPoliticsLeave a Comment

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Ada Graham-Johnson, City Clerk
Brenda Snipes, Supervisor of Elections

via email

Madam City Clerk and Dr. Snipes.

I’ve decided to follow along in the footsteps of dick-torial candidate Jean Robb by installing additional ballot drop boxes at various locations around town.  With that, I have a few questions:

  1. I have secured about 30 cardboard boxes. Which is preferred — corrugated or recycled?
  2. I believe a lock, well really, any security for that matter, may act as a “deterrent” for voting.  Therefore, my ballot drop boxes won’t be secured in any fashion — open both to the elements and to society at large.
  3. My marketing team has suggested a Drop Your Election Ballot Off Tequila Party. We’re thinking, drop off one vote, get a shot.  Two votes, two shots. And so forth. You’ll win a “I Hate Chaz Stevens” by Sylvia Poitier t-shirt with your fifth vote!!!
  4. We’re also pondering the idea of printing up ballots — just in case you, well, find yourself short on cash, at our party, and want to have a couple of drinks.  Can you kindly send me camera ready artwork?
  5. What’s the best way to surreptitiously open up ballots? Is there a way to tell who voted for Noland, or that Robb fellow?  Cough cough.  Not that we’d do that, mind you.
  6. Finally, we’re thinking of charging our hosts a fee for this service.  Any thoughts here?  We’re having a hard time putting a reasonable price on freedom and democracy.

On behalf of my team, we’re really looking forward to helping out this election, being a small part of the Snipes Army! I think there’s a good future in “private voting officials.”

As they say “vote early”.  And now, at selected locations in Deerfield Beach, we offer voting often.

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Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
Robbseian logic at its finest. http://t.co/yL82U7YMur - 14 hours ago
Chaz Stevens
Chaz Stevens

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Chaz StevensMAOS Announces More 2013 Deerfield Beach Election Ballot Locations!