Stormin’ the beaches of Pompano.

05014834923.pdf

Here’s an update from tonight’s Deerfield Beach Commission meeting.

1. Mayor JeanOldPerson, doing her best Marvin Marsh impression (see below), has demanded the return of the PMS Deerfield Beach.

2. Yes folks, at one point, our town owned a boat, and Robb wants to reconstitute our Navy!

3. On a positive note, I am sure failed political candidate Ron Coddington can scare up a ton of seamen, to pack the poop deck of our town’s ferry.

4. With said boat missing in action for three decades, Robb has asked Chief Snackencracker to locate da vessel.  We’ve fired off an email to the Chief, suggesting he start by investigating Fantasy Island (seemed time appropriate given Robb’s adult onset dementia).

5. With the city so broke we’re well past the point of breaking a dollar bill, and squarely into the realm of breaking wind, Robb’s idea for financial salvation is to hand out $50,000 to the Deerfield Beach Historical Society.  Good idea, maybe they can take notes as the rest of the city is flushed down the potty.

6. In another hair-brain idea, Robb also wants local diamond broker JR Dunn to donate $8000, or roughly 15 Grassi(s)* to the Packer Rattler football team.

7. We’re introducing a new monetary unit of measure, the Grassi. Equal to $525, or John Grassi Ass’s total 2007 net worth.

8. And speaking of AssClownishness, before the meeting, select members of the audience are distributed an envelope containing a scripted series of questions. This document is put together Grassi, in cooperation with the Mad Libs folks.

9. Robb denies having a hand in that matter, but our source on the inside tells us differently.

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Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
What a bunch of crap. http://t.co/Qxr5ZWc3KD - 3 days ago
Chaz Stevens