Greed wants much, avarice everything.

bazooka-rocket

Dear City of Deerfield Beach;

At last night’s Commission meeting, it seems a local resident, looking to squeeze out every sheckel of the rehab dollars (well drained), demanded granite counter tops be installed in her home.

According to this thief, sorry I mean bamboozler, it’s in the city’s code.

So, given the sheer audacity of this request (chutzpa to my Jewish buddies),  I’d like the taxpayer to supply me with the following:

  1. A dozen hookers, a case of condoms, and some penicillin.
  2. The 2014 Porsche 911 Turbo Cab (in Guard’s Red of course).
  3. Contract hitman on retainer.
  4. Free table dances for my homeys.
  5. A bazooka.
  6. Huge bazookas for my girlfriend.

Kindly have Mr. Andy Maurodis review the City’s Charter.  I’m sure all of this is covered.

* For those not in the know, this resident has received nearly six figures in rehab money.  Six f***ing figures, and still it is not enough.

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Chaz Stevens

Chaz Stevens

Professional Troublemaker
Father of the world-famous Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole, Chaz’s antics are sure to entertain, educate, and irritate. Chaz has been appeared on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Fox News, and hundreds of national media outlets, and several international newspapers.
Chaz Stevens

@TweetsByMAOS

According to John Stewart, I am the General Patton of the War on Xmas. Father, Pabst Blue Ribbon Festivus Pole. Professional troublemaker.
Rallying Commissioner Gloria Lewis to the cause. http://t.co/AWHaQgTgK6 - 11 hours ago
Chaz Stevens